As a professional wedding planner and CEO of my planning company, I’ve had the privilege of delving into the intricate dynamics that make up the tapestry of wedding planning. One intriguing aspect that often surfaces is the assumption – albeit inaccurately – that in heterosexual weddings, the bride takes center stage.
Yet, this notion finds itself less prevalent in same-sex weddings, where both partners share the spotlight. This shift is noteworthy, and in some ways, quite enviable.
In numerous consultations, I’ve encountered situations where I’ve “discovered” the groom’s name during our discussions. It’s not that he’s less cherished; rather, it often stems from an unspoken understanding that the bride will oversee the wedding’s details. A grave misconception, indeed. Before we delve deeper, let me clarify that I often find grooms taking the reins of the wedding organization, diligently handling various aspects of their envisioned day. Equally misconstrued. I acknowledge that it’s usually one person who initiates contact, and I’m not contesting that. It would be absurd if they both called or wrote to me separately, making me the intermediary. No, it’s not about that. It’s about what unfolds during our meetings – in over 90% of cases, one partner is driving the wedding planning while the other contributes by selecting an entrance song or dance floor tunes.
Certainly, it’s more convenient when one partner delegates tasks to the other, a practice that often relieves pressure, particularly for the one relinquishing control. Meanwhile, the partner responsible for the organization no longer faces the pressure of consistently defending their vision against the other’s preferences. This approach can work, and indeed it does in many cases. However, I propose an alternative: to work together, to choose together, and to decide together. Yes, you’re going to “argue.” In fact, without quotes: you’re going to argue. A lot. The more passionate you are, the more steadfast your convictions, and the more effort you invest in envisioning and selecting the professionals who align with your needs, the more you’re going to engage in discussions. And that’s perfectly fine.
When I meet a couple that have not hired a local wedding planner, one of the questions I ask is how their wedding planning is going. If they respond with “great, stress-free, everything’s under control,” I’m taken aback. But there’s a rationale behind it. This couple has chosen to keep their wedding plans simple. They’ve opted to avoid overcomplicating matters.
Is that admirable?
Absolutely. Guests come, they greet, they get emotional during the ceremony, they toast, eat, drink, partake, and dance. It’s a different kind of wedding, and it’s right for them.
However, for those of you who are drawn to a more intricate and elaborate celebration, a word of advice: embrace the process. Allow yourselves to immerse in the myriad of details that will make your day uniquely yours. Relish the passionate debates, the fervent discussions, and even the occasional disagreements. Each decision you make, every compromise you forge, it’s all a testament to the journey you’re undertaking together.
Wedding planning is an intricate dance – a choreography that combines your individual styles into a harmonious performance. It’s a reflection of your love story, woven with the threads of your personalities, interests, and dreams. By embarking on this journey as equal partners, you’re not only crafting an extraordinary celebration; you’re strengthening the foundation of your relationship.
So, when you envision your wedding, don’t just think of it as an event. Consider it a chapter in your shared story, a chapter where both of you – as equal protagonists – join forces to craft a day that echoes your journey, your love, and your commitment. And as you engage in conversations, remember that these discussions are a testament to your passion, your dedication, and your unique union. By embracing every moment, every decision, and every dialogue, you’re creating a wedding day that is a true reflection of both of you – a day that resonates not only in the memories of your guests but also in the depths of your hearts.